When you adapt your style to suit the other person, it means you gain control. You’ll find it easier to influence the situation. That’s true assertiveness. Here’s how to do it and be assertive.
1. Watch Carefully
Take time to study people. Be more observant when you’re talking to people. Try to take in as much as you can, as quickly as you can, about their verbal and nonverbal behavior. Your senses need to detect when you’re dealing with someone who has a strong natural communication style that’s different to yours. You’re looking at the other person’s body language, facial expressions, tone, pace, the volume of voice, energy level, enthusiasm, expressiveness, and emotion.
Try to identify the person’s natural communication style. Try to gauge which style you thin the person leans more towards. Once you’ve worked this out, you can start to think about how similar, or perhaps different, their style is to your natural style. The more different they are, the more you’ll need to adapt your style to suit them. If you do this, they’re more likely to listen to you because you’re less likely to distract them with your own style. Truly assertive people are very good at this. They tweak their style accordingly.
You’ve worked out their style. Now you need to adapt your own style to mirror theirs. You’ll find it harder to mirror the other person’s style if you personally don’t like it or feel comfortable with it. Bear in mind that the higher you score in your own style in the questionnaire, the more unnatural it will feel to mirror someone who is different from you. Persevere though, it’s worth it. It’s the best way to be truly assertive.